In Light of the Cross.

I lie so much.

I do the fake smile for pictures to disguise what I was actually feeling in the moment because it's expected. I tell people that things are okay when maybe they aren't. I put on the semblance of being happy about doing something willingly when it is so far from the truth. I say things just to keep other people from getting angry even if it's not true. I do not say the thing that is true if it is hurtful (even if for only a moment).

While I was driving today, I was just thinking about how much I feel like I sacrifice in the name of love. Scathing words I might have said, my own feelings about a situation, my desires, something else I might have done instead. Such little things that seem like the world to me. But does anybody notice? I feel like I've gone miles in dying to myself. Does anyone see those changes in me, or how I honor them above myself?

Also on this drive, I felt like God was acknowledging all of this, but also saying, "But look at what I sacrificed in the name of love." God sacrificed His one and only Son in the name of love, to die for our sins, to be our sacrificial lamb, that we may become His righteousness, that we may experience that love that's on the other side of the sacrifice. In light of the cross, the sacrifices I feel are enormous and take all of me are nothing.

And all I can do is fall at the feet of Jesus and ask him for forgiveness, and ask him to help me to become even smaller. Every time I feel like I've come to another level of refinement, He shows me that there is so much more to go in becoming perfect as He is. Help me and have mercy on me, Jesus!